The Hidden Truths of Marriage: A Story of Love, Loss, and Rediscovery
When the war in Afghanistan ended and we transitioned into a more routine family life, I realized that I had missed Andrew for so long that what I lacked had started to deplete. I had felt abandoned for years, perhaps since he made that raw declaration in the therapist’s office. And I had missed him so much at home that I wasn’t sure where he belonged. But I wanted him to find it.
Luckily, he did. He was eager to spend time with me and the kids, craving the certainty and comfort of home life, cooking elaborate meals, taking the kids on adventures on Saturdays, reading all the school emails before I even had a chance. He had always loved us fiercely and been an excellent father, but now his center of gravity was within our home, and when he left, the invisible threads that bound us as a family felt interwoven in a new way.
Sometimes, during his many absences, I felt like we were living a marriage charade, trading the ocean for its faint sound through a seashell spiral. But now, finally, we had the real thing. We had the ocean.
Two years passed without a deployment. Then, one night, Andrew and I went out for a rare steak dinner. We were sipping cocktails and laughing when Andrew’s phone rang. I heard his voice change and I knew. When he hung up, I waited for the subtle but noticeable shift in his body language, the tension in his jaw, the new distance in his normally tender and attentive gaze.
My husband is an expert at compartmentalization, able to switch from a dinner date to packing for a deployment with astonishing speed, leaving, in a sense, before we even had a chance to say goodbye. But this time he surprised me: when he placed his hand over mine on the white tablecloth, I could feel a pull towards home that was stronger than his pull to leave.
In the complex dance of marriage, we had found a new rhythm, a deeper connection forged through the challenges and separations. And as we navigated the uncertainties of military life, we discovered that the truths of marriage are indeed elusive, but the love and resilience we found in each other were unwavering.
